Real confidence & fake confidence

For a long time, I believed that if I’d lose weight I'd feel more confident. So I went on a diet and lost weight... and for a few years I bought into the belief that I was confident. It wasn’t until years later that I would learn that there are two types of confidence:

1. Real, deep inner confidence

2. False, external confidence

Where did my “confidence” come from? From “winning” the numbers on the scales + thinking that having a certain body equals success. But guess what? The moment my body started changing, it felt like my entire identity was collapsing. A client of mine who's been working with me for a while now, felt very confused when we just started working together. She felt so confident when it came to her career, but really insecure in almost every other area of her life... Where did her “confidence” come from? She was really good at her career. But guess what? the moment she experienced any lapse in her career, she felt lost. The lack of real confidence often means that we use achievement (whether it’s with our body, exercise, work…) as a way to feel worthy. This is true even more in social situations, where we would have otherwise felt “not enough”. Real confidence comes from self knowledge and it’s independent of outcomes or results. It doesn’t mean that you never experience self doubt, it means that you stay true to yourself in spite of self doubt. Here’s the thing… We have this backwards idea of confidence - we think that if we look a certain way, achieve certain things, tick certain boxes, we will feel confident. This is what we are conditioned to believe. When in fact, the reverse is true - Confidence comes from really teaming up with yourself, from knowing yourself really well, from trusting yourself and your intuition, and embracing yourself fully, even the parts that you don’t really like about yourself (we all have them). When you know yourself really well and embrace yourself fully, you’re not even thinking about feeling confident. You are just living in a way that feels really good to you, where you are aligned with yourself and your values, and you are standing in your truth. So the way to experience more confidence is not by thinking about a hypothetical future, it’s not searching for external results and outcomes… The way to develop that “real” deep inner confidence is by spending time with yourself. That’s why I want to invite you to join my *FREE* challenge: Home to You / Fall Edition, starting next Monday November 2nd! A whole week of spending time with yourself! A week of rituals, practices and intentions to help you come home to you so you can feel nourished, aligned & connected sent right to your inbox. Love,