I've been recognised in the 'Top 20 Coaches in Leeds in 2022' list!
I recently shared on my social media accounts that I've been recognised in 'Top 20 Coaches in Leeds in 2022' list and I’ve received so much love and support.
When I started my coaching work, like many of us when we start a new venture, I was experiencing a lot of self doubt.
I did 10 discovery calls with 10 potential clients and one after another I got a ‘No’.
With every ‘No', I felt my confidence stripped away, but I kept going. I decided to bet on myself (also thanks to a £10,000 bank loan that kept me accountable). There was something in me that really wanted it to work out (today I know it’s called passion).
Through this experience, I learned to deal with failure, manage self-doubt and build my confidence. I learned that I can deal with uncomfortable emotions and I learned the power of having a personal mission, a 'why', to keep me going even when things get hard. But the biggest, most valuable, lesson of all was learning to validate myself, even when externally I may not feel validated.
In our education system, we learn to validate ourselves and evaluate our self-worth externally, based on our grades. This system doesn't teach us to manage the self-judgement and inner criticism that arises when we don't meet our own expectations. It can be debilitating, get us into endless cycles of overthinking and self-doubt, constantly seeking the approval of others, and often result in not taking risks or trying new things.
Truthfully, when I shared about getting into the 'top 20 list', I wasn't expecting this level of support and celebration. After all, after years of coaching, I learned to validate myself.
I’m truly grateful that I can now enjoy the celebration and recognition of others without getting attached to it. This positive feedback is a sweet cherry on top of the cake, but it's not the cake itself. The cake itself is all the wonderful, brilliant clients I had the honour to work with, whose lives have changed as a result.
Because here's the thing —
When you become so used to doing things with the payoff of praise, the day the praise doesn't arrive, you feel like a failure. Maybe you even decide to quit.
This was the lesson I've learned after getting 10 'Nos' — if you want to do something, do it first and for all for you — for your joy, for your fulfilment, for your self-expression, not for anyone else’s approval. It's your ultimate freedom.
This quest is nothing short of an act of courage – It requires a level of commitment, clarity and conviction that is almost foreign to our daily lives.
This doesn't mean we need to deny that part of us that wants to be recognised and celebrated. The part of us that wants to know our work is effective. It would be unrealistic. The desire in us to know we matter to others is human, and it's healthy. The part of us that wants to know that we’re appreciated is an essential part of us and should be honoured. But it's only one part and, most importantly, it needs not to be driving our decisions.
In my years of coaching, I’ve seen clients not acting on their desires and brilliant ideas for fear of criticism/failure/negative feedback. I’ve seen clients being paralysed, unable to move, in the absence of approval and validation.
I’ve also witnessed the miracle that can happen when we address these issues and the freedom that comes with that.
Don’t wait to be praised, noticed or validated. Don’t wait for someone to give you permission to do what you love. Don't wait to be invited or discovered by someone. Don't wait to be recognised to share your voice. The only way to be recognised is by sharing your voice right now. The validation will come and it will be even sweeter; but you have to validate yourself, first.
Rooting for you,